This whole Scottish Independence vote thing has got me worried. I mean if it passes and Alba does become independent, what will the new flag of the “Kingdom of Great Britain” look like?

Right now the Butcher’s Apron looks like this:

Which is a combination of England’s red cross of St. George on a white field:

Superimposed over (of course!) Scotland’s St. Andrews cross:

To which was later added (after the 1800 Act of Union) a saltire called St. Patrick’s cross:

To make the Irish feel less like a province and a more like a vested member of the kingdom. With no real power of course as we found out in well, 1845.

Now subtracting Scotland from the flag would mean that the new flag of the Kingdom of Great Britain would be this, (as part of Ireland, at least, is still part of that kingdom for now):

Essentially….a big red asterisk. And if you tilt your head a bit to the left, what with the way bright red likes to swim in your retina, there is something almost swastika like about it. I mean just extend the saltire and you get:

Well, err, okay a big red mess.

Of course Ireland’s Ulster-Scots Unionists would undoubtedly object to the glaring un-Scottishness and newly enhanced Paddyness of the new Kingdom's new flag. And one can imagine a scenario in which they demanded that their red hand and crown be superimposed over the cross of St. George, and the St. Patrick’s saltire erased, so first:

And then:

Now in case you didn’t already know this, that is already the unofficial flag of the Unionists of Northern Ireland. And ironically, if this did become the new flag of the new Kingdom of Great Britain, I have no doubt that merry ole England Herself would vote to leave said kingdom.

But even that solution would still leave them to grapple with old "Y Draig Goch" herself - the Welsh dragon:

So what, this maybe….

Hmmm. No, that won't do, too Christmas-y.What about:

What? England has to support the Welsh and the Irish and hold them up? Yeah well if you put them in the lower half they'll say that St. George and England dominates them! Poor Queen Elizabeth she just can't win.

Then again, Cornwall and the Isle of Mann might object to all this red cross and dragon stuff too so maybe they’d all have to settle for:

Ouch.

Okay then. Scotland, dear Gaelic Alba of William Wallace, Robert Bruce and Bonnie Prince Charlie himself...of bagpipes, kilts and claymore hilts...of highlands and lowlands and lochs and Nessie. Eiru loves you but heed your dear ould Gaelic Mother Ireland (and her Four Green Fields and One Blue one) and please, before you leave the Kingdom...*if* you decide to do that....please find a solution for the Sassenach and their perfidious flag problem. Lest ye and we and they have our eyes assaulted by that one handed, three legged, red and white and black crossed, fire breathing flag for years to come!

Oh and by the way, if you're I don't know, looking for a U.S. ambassador to the new Scottish government, I am available and willing to work on this with you.